Monday, March 24, 2008

Estate Sale Finds...It Must Be Spring!!

Like many women, in order to distract myself from my misery...I SHOP!!! Those who know me well, know that as much as I love me a new outfit there is nothing that compares to buying someone elses junk!! So Nicky and I headed off to a few sales last week and here are some of my finds.

As I mentioned yesterday, I have the sudden (and in my eyes understandable) urge to buy "baby stuff". So when we went to this sale and it was the last day (last day=50% off!!!), I couldn't resist these super cute bookends for $2.50. Little Missy has a chip on the edge of her dress, but I don't mind!! I love their chubby little legs and cheeks. And I have hundreds of children's books just waiting to be propped between these two sweeties!!!

Then there were these booties, also irresistible. I'm not sure if they were meant to be planters or what. But our guest room is pink and they will be perfect in there, maybe with some Q-tips and cottonballs or some fresh cut flowers, who knows. But I couldn't leave them sitting there! These were not 50% offf, but after seeing them in two more places since then, I realize that $5 was actually a good price!

In keeping with my baby buys, there is this little rocking chair that Josh and I spotted on the curb one day while we were walking Danny to the park. There is not a thing wrong with it, so how could I leave it there?? Well, I didn't obviously! I happily carried it back home. It still needs to be cleaned up, but as you can see it is in mint condition. For now, it has a home in the living room, but someday....

And finally, I bought this big 'ol coffee bin. You wouldn't believe the first day we went to this sale it was marked $45.oo!!!! Yes, that's right, I said the first day and I said $45. Sometimes we hit them twice...once early on for the "must haves" and then again at the end for the "I wouldn't spend more than x amount on that thing" items. This was one of those days and this bin was one of those items. I loved the vintage look of it, but these estate sale ladies were off their rockers if they thought they were gettin' $45 out of me (or any other sane human being for that matter) just for this old bin! So when we returned to the sale on the last and third day, I was on a mission. I wanted to buy ice skates and a box of lace if either of them were still hanging around. The lace was gone and I got two white skates for $2. I plan to use them for Xmas decor, but they're grungy so I didn't get a pic. They need some lovin'! While I was in the basement I spotted the bin still there and marked down to $20 and that was before the $50 off you get on the last day. Obviously one of those broads had sobered up from her Maxwell House high and come to her senses. But, if you know me, you know that I couldn't roll over and settle for the $10. So I offered $5, I mean in all honesty what the heck am I gonna do with this thing? Not really sure, sooo if you have some ideas do share. Anyway, the fella that the estate sale ladies make sit in the basement (I won't tell you what I call him) had an important story about this can that I completely ignored because until I heard yes or another number between 5 and 10, I had no interest in what he had to say. Then he said $7, so this is where I rolled over. It's just my style and, again, I couldn't leave the poor thing sit there all alone on the infamous "last day of the sale". Right?!

At first, I thought it would make a great trash can, but since I don't believe in going bagless in your trash won't work. There is no way to secure a bag to the side of it and that just won't do. So let me know your thoughts on what I can use this thing for and keep in mind that it isn't all that clean on the inside!

Sunday, March 23, 2008

An Unexpected Email and then a Happy Easter

I want to move on to some happier posts, but I have one more sad note. I received an unexpected email from someone at work today when I returned from my parents. This person is someone that I considered in the past to be mainly a colleague. But today, after reading her email, I assure you we will forever consider ourselves friends from here on out.

I am sharing this with the blogging world to enlist your prayers for not only myself anymore, but my friend, as well. She, too, lost her baby to a miscarriage this weekend and is going through the same terrible emotions and confusion that we are experiencing at our house. It is heartbreaking to know that there is someone else hurting this way and to know, first-hand, that there is nothing that I can say or do to make them feel better. Please pray for the both us to have strength enough to get through this and courage enough to go down this road in the future.

Here are some junky pictures (taken at night and half-heartedly in order to be able to post something that wouldn't make my visitors cry) of some sweet things. I hope you all had a wonderful Easter. We were with family, which as I've said before, is the only way to celebrate any holiday!

I don't normally get too overly excited to decorate for Easter. A nice fresh, clean house will do the trick and a few things here and there. Just so you can feel spring around the corner. But, I'm a little numb lately and what I do feel definately isn't spring!! Apparently, in my quest for distraction (and aimless time off of work), I developed some sort of Easter salt and pepper shaker fettish??? Ok, well not a fettish, but I did buy two sets in one day. Why? I don't know! Too cute, I guess! And the clean house NEVER happened:( Peter Cottontail (above) was calling my name while I was at Pier 1. They had some super cute springy-Easter decor this year!

Then there are the giant eggs that were supposed to be hung from the front porch ceiling, but never ended up hung from anything. Just carelessly laid to rest in this glasss stand. Poor things!

How cute is this little bird bath? I got it at Michaels last week and as soon as I saw it I knew I had to have it. Who wouldn't want three sweet birdies to watch over their pastel peanut M&Ms? Especially with Josh around???

Saturday, March 22, 2008

Baby Gifts and Memories

***Just Those Few Weeks***
For those few weeks - I had you to myself.And that seems too short a time to be changed so profoundly.
In those few weeks - I came to know you...and to love you.You came to trust me with your life. Oh, what a life I had planned for you!
Just those few weeks - when I lost you,I lost a lifetime of hopes, plans, dreams and aspirations…A slice of my future simply vanished overnight.
Just those few weeks - it wasn't enough timeto convince others how special and important you were.How odd, a truly unique person has recently died and no one is mourning the passing.
Just a mere few weeks - and no "normal" person would cry all nightover a tiny, unfinished baby, or get depressed and withdrawday after endless day.No one would, so why am I?
You were just those few weeks my little one. You darted in and out of my life too quickly.But it seems that's all the time you needed to make my lifeso much richer and give me a small glimpse of eternity.
Author Unknown

Poem that love, also sent by future SIL...

My 'Sister In Law to be' brought me these sweet sentiments from the hospital she works at. She is a nurse in the labor and delivery unit. I wasn't able to pay them too much attention when she gave them to me at my parent's house this weekend. My goal was to keep it together and in tact the entire time we were there. I did well. I snuck off upstairs to cry one time... If I was to fall apart at the seams I feel like everyone will. They just want to know that I'm ok. So if I can (pretend to) be ok while I'm around them, I feel like I've achieved the goal. Though, dear SIL to be will know otherwise because she reads the blog, but I know she'll keep the secret. I know you are all thinking, "Oh my, what a distorted way of looking at and dealing with things"; but everyone does this differently, right?!

Anyway, while I didn't pay much attention at my parents, I brought them all home and layed them out on the guest bed. When Josh went to pick our pizza for dinner, I went in and curled up with them and read the poem......and did what I do best these days - cried. Crying=healing from what I read. Since I'm headed back to work tomorrow I need to get it out now. (Yeah, right! I'll be in tears before the day begins. I'm sure of it!) Lindsay, I'm very appreciative for the little poem, quilt, bear and memory box with Kendall's name on it. Too sweet are the little heart pillow and receiving blanket inside it. Though it will never receive our little babe, it will instead receive all the love we would have given him or her and hold it into that precious box. Thank you so....

We have so many things that we've accumulated in just a few weeks that I'm sure I won't have a problem filling the box. In addition, I've decided to make a memory book. I put a picture of Kendall in it, but that is as far as I've been able to go. I have so many cards and emails from people that I want to keep and include in this book. I even have receipts from some of my silly late night cravings. I know that doing this will help in the healing process, but will also be something I will have to remember the support and love that all three of us have had through this process.

It is so interesting to me that the quilt and poem are in green and yellow, because those are the colors I wanted for the nursery (and I'm pretty sure Lindsay didn't know that). Speaking of the nursery, I had planned (prior to the loss) to buy these wall words. I'm intrigued by Wall Words, though these are a knock off of the real Wall Words, which I scooped up from SteinMart. I couldn't decide on which one I liked best, so I got them both. There are four walls in the (hopefully someday) nursery. Some of you probably think I'm jinxing myself by buying things for a baby now, but babies seem to be all I can think about. Even Josh mentioned right after we found out about the loss that he feels like we should try again as soon as we can. I feel the same thing in my heart, but I know it is not reasonable or rational. I won't be ready emotionally or physically even when it is ok to try again. This is why I am trying to force myself to focus on this darn wedding. Distraction, if nothing else!

Wednesday, March 19, 2008

Forgot to tell you this...

On a happier note, you must go visit Sarah at Girl Land and enter her contest. Fun stuff, so tell her I sent ya! I can use some happiness over here!

Sad News

The past two weeks have been pure HELL and I've avoided posting on the blog as long as I could. I thought that the next time I posted I would be sharing how well our ultrasound went last Monday, but unfortunately it didn't.

On Monday, March 10th we innocently bounced off to the doctor to see a picture of our sweet baby. And we did see a picture, but it isn't so much what we's what we heard or really didn't hear. Just one week after the doctor told us we were basically in the clear to share our news with the world and having heard our baby's heartbeat, there suddenly was no longer a heartbeat to be heard. We lost our little one. The doctor said that it had just happened. We were in shock! At first we didn't react and then we both felt very sick. We had so many plans, so many dreams for that little one. How did this happen? The doctor went over all the standard stuff - stuff that I hope we never have to hear again in our lives. We came home and held each other...lying sad and confused for the rest of the day and many days after. We had to make a decision about how to proceed as I was at this point 12 weeks along. So after a couple of days of we decided that surgery would be the way to go.

Monday, March 10th will officially go down as the worst day of my life to date, but Monday, March 17th runs a close second to it. This Monday I had the surgery and the entire day was nothing less than traumatic and devastating in every sense of the words. I wish I could forget it ever happened.

At some point last week I decided that our baby deserved to be honored with a name, after all he or she is our first child. A child who changed our lives, despite never getting to meet him or her. We named the baby, Kendall. We miss our baby dearly, but we know that God must have big plans for Kendall to have taken him or her so soon.

I know that at this point I have to move on and move forward, but I don't really know how. This is the hardest thing I've ever gone through and wouldn't wish it on anybody. I cry a lot...I'm sad - there's just no other way to put it. It's hard to understand why something like this happens to anybody. It's crazy how this makes me view the world and the things I used to think were important. Suddenly nothing else matters.
I hope that soon I can get back my desire to plan a wedding and then we can try to add to our family once again. Until then....remember life IS unexpected.

Monday, March 3, 2008

I've Been Thinking A LOT About This Post!!!

So it has been a while...huh?! I'm sure the last of my readers have given up on me now, but if you are reading this (because you're, of course, considering giving me one last chance), you should know I have good reason for being away. Really good reason, or at least I think so. Let me tell you about it.....

A few weeks ago, about the beginning of February, I began feeling really sick and really, really tired. I took a few days off of work hoping that a little R&R would help, but unfortunately it didn't. I began to wonder if something really bad was going on with me. Or maybe I was feeling a little depressed; I mean, all I was doing was going to work then coming home and getting in bed? (Though, I couldn't really imagine why I would be and if I were, I would feel selfish for being so; I have so much to be thankful for.)

I continued to be sick throughout February and into the week of February break. I decided it may be in my best interest to go see a doctor and stop thinking this would "go away". So I did....

And the good news is - I'm NOT dying, nor am I depressed!

The other good news is - I'm PREGNANT!! Yes, you heard right! No I didn't plan on this, because the only thing I've been planning on is a wedding! A wedding, which will now take back burner to A BABY!! Delayed until 2009...Crazy, huh? Remember when I was on leave from my job from September to December???? Well a leave from work = no insurance and no insurance = no pill and no pill = an unexpected little blessing for Josh and I! We are already at the end of the first trimester. No wonder I''ve been so sick!

A friend of mine, Lindsey, recently began her blog journey. Her second post was titled Life is Unexpected (though I linked to it, the blog only allows approved visitors, so you'll probably have trouble getting in), where she points out that the unexpected things in life are those which make life so exciting. Those words have a different meaning to me now than when I first read them. I would never have expected to be right here, right now, writing this. I like to think of myself as a planner. I schedule things and carry them out based on a plan, but this was something that was just beyond my control! Although this was certainly not part of the plan, we are very excited about our little one and we know that because everything happens for a reason, we are blessed with this enormous gift in a tiny package!

**Be prepared for an odd mix of baby planning/wedding planning posts in the coming months!